So you have a friend you've known over 10years. You believe (though you are no doctor) that this person is suffering from some emotional illness (such as bi-polar, depression, anxiety or any other combo). You've been their friend so long that you've seen multiple times where they exhibited mild to severe symptoms. You even were witness to a time they attempted suicide (though this was upwards of 8 years ago).

Now they are behaving irrationally again (in your eyes) though nothing quite as severe as being suicidal. They are alienating everyone around them but laying the blame at everyone's but their own door. If you speak up they might turn on you too. If you don't, they may continue on this downward spiral. Even if you do, both might happen.

What do you do?

I wonder what Ann Landers might have said

Does this person have relatives?? Talk to them, or even talk with another friend. It's not an easy situation.

I guess if I were very, very close, like sisters or brothers, then I would let them know what I see or feel in their behaver.

I'm sure someone else might have a better answer.

A friend is a friend. I'd first speak to his/her relatives, and then, speak to him/her.

Chris

Good answers. Keep em coming!

Hi Dashie,
I agree with Chris. I'd first speak to her relatives to see what they could do. Then I'd speak to her. Maybe they could suggest something to you that you hadn't thought of or maybe you and they could work together to help her see that she needs help.

Hello Dash,

I probably should have done "other." If possible, rather than speaking up, can you be a listener? Go to lunch, get together at a coffee shop and gently probe? Sometimes, people just need a listening sounding board.
My only fear about relatives is she may feel they are butting in or she does not want to appear vulnerable. Should she find out you mentioned it to them, she may feel you sold her out. I know the real reason is all care, but the reaction can vary.
Consider small things like buying a card that says, "thinking of you" or something. It may be important just for her to know you are around. Emphasising and re-enforcing that people do care helps.
I will pray for you and your friend. Please keep us posted. (I may send a PM if you do not mind)
BTW, I have written this as if it is a she. My apologies on that assumption.

Chris

This question is supposed to be hypothetical but based on a real life event y'all so don't worry about me or what I'd do. I've already chosen my path. I'm just curious what you'd do.

By the way, I had already spoken to the relative (mother in this case as she is also my good friend), and that's how I decided to speak up myself. The mother was afraid because everytime she does it blows up in her face. I decided to take a stand apart from her.

Yep Chris,

In some circumsances, we do need for someone to listen... speaking, even to someone we don't know (like to a priest, why not), can discharge a lot of stress. (This is why I take a psychotherapy session once a week -or maybe twice-, going to may favorite bar)

Dash, I like this expression: ... just like a moth, deadly attracted by a light source... or like a plane with its rudder jammed.

The major problem, I think, is that we don't care... we have our little or big personal problems and we don't pay attention to some alerts (which may be help calls) from our friends. And when the sh*** happens, we try not to remember that we received an S.O.S. call...

A (young) friend of mine died some days after asking me to visit him, and I didn't... because I was concerned about my own little problems. I'll never forgive myself for this.

Chris

Ironbender that's a very good reason to explain why I said something. I didn't want to regret not saying it.

You did it right, in my opinion. I just read your previous post, as we posted together.

Chris

I have rethought my first response after thinking about my answer and I would send the friend a "thinking of you" card and invite her to have lunch or just come and hang out with me and we could talk about whatever or just sit there enjoying each other's company. I would be sure that she knew that she could confide in me.

I would keep a channel open, and depends on how close you guys are, you need to assure her that you are always there and don’t let her out of your sight. Even the most hardened among us needs human companionship, as being lonely is never an easy thing. Good luck with that, and keep in mind that you don’t want to regret not doing something in the future, as you never really get over losing someone that you love or hold dear.

I'd call Dr. Phil.

all I can say is [size=7]BEEN THERE DONE THAT...........RUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

I hate to say it but no matter what you do your gonna be the "bad guy"



sometimes all they need to see the issue is just a other times they need a serious butt whoop'n

Interesting and challenging one this, methinx!

I'd tell them, but I'd kind of bide my time and tell them at an appropriate time rather than go in, all guns blazing, boldly going where no one has gone before.

Seriously, I have a friend who will sometimes take it OK if I say something but at other times I know this person will just explode. Timing is crucial, but it mustn't be left too long otherwise there might be a disaster.

I would talk direct to the person - to talk to family is to possibly have them alienated by her, when it is your observation they may be acting on.
She is your friend, and it is your feeling that you are wanting to act on.

IMHO, you do what you think needs to be done, and then you will know you have done the right thing.